I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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