So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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