he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
