How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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