when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
