New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
