How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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