you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
