When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
