I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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