dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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