Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
