Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
