were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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