when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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