Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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