rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
