How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
