I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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