we made out on top of his cat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
