I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
