I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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