Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
