chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
