Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
