Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
