i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
