Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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