The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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