things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
