I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
