Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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