so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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