mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
