I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
