before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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