he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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