How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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