You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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