I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
