his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
