hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone came in the potted fern
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
