what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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