I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
