just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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