i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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