God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
