are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
