So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me I should be a condom model.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
