Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
