Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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