Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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